Domestic violence is the abuse of one person by another when they are or have been, in a close relationship. Crime statistics and research both show that domestic violence is gender specific, that is, usually the perpetrator of a pattern of repeated assaults is a man.
Domestic violence can and does take many forms, ranging from slaps, kicks and shaking to rape, wounding and murder.
Two women a week are killed by a current or former partner.
(Source, Harris J. (2001), Statistics on Women and the Criminal Justice System, Home office London)

Domestic Violence includes threats of violence, intimidating behaviour and emotional or mental abuse including constant criticism and humiliation, being kept a prisoner in your own home or being cut off from family and friends.

Financial abuse may happen if you are unable or are prevented from signing for your own money or handling your own financial affairs.
One in 4 women experience domestic violence over their lifetime.
(Source, Council of Europe (2002) Strasbourg France)

For disabled women, abuse can include being spoken ‘down to’ withdrawing communication, leaving you in pain even when you have asked for help, making decisions for you such as the time for going to bed, refusing to assist with bathing, or any other action which uses your disability against you. If your abuser is your carer, they may be your key link to the outside world and may ensure that you cannot access other support services, such as dial-a-ride. The abuser may withdraw physical aids such as your wheelchair or walking stick to deliberately prevent independent mobility.

If you experience memory loss – keep a written record to aid your memory. If an action leads to you losing some or all of your independence, it is abusive. Anything, which takes away your power and control over your own life, is abuse.

The abuser may be your partner, husband, father, brother, son or carer. Almost all-domestic violence is directed by men against women. Violence can also occur in lesbian and gay relationships and, occasionally, by women against men. Although everyone experiencing domestic violence can use this information, it is aimed at women who are being abused by men.

Information to consider if you are being abused.

You are not the only one: Research shows that around one in four women experience domestic violence. It happens to women of all ages, classes, races, religions, sexualities, abilities, and levels of intelligence and to women with and without children.

You are not to blame: You are not responsible for the violence. Your abuser has choices about how to react such as walking away until he is calmer

You cannot change your abuser’s behaviour: You have probably noticed that it doesn’t make much difference what you do to pacify your abuser; they are violent anyway. The only way they can change is if they realise they have a problem and seek help.

Domestic violence is dangerous: It rarely happens only once. Usually the violence gets more serious the longer it goes on. Many abusers go to pieces after an assault or if their partners threaten to leave them. They can be very sorry and promise to stop the violence, give up drinking etc. Women sometimes feel sorry for them, believe them and agree to stay. Unfortunately, experience shows that changes rarely last. Sadly, for some women, what began as a slap ended in murder.

Break the silence – don’t remain isolated: You have nothing to be ashamed of. Don't keep the violence a secret. You need support and there are people who will help. However, there are still people who wrongly believe that it's OK for a man to hit his partner or that it is her fault if he does. Choose the people you talk with carefully. Don’t suffer alone.

There is life after domestic violence: Many women start new and rewarding lives and discover that they enjoy living without a partner. Some start new loving relationships, which they never believed were possible when they were with their violent partner. Women find out that the things their abusers told them (‘you’re stupid/ugly/useless/no-one else would have you/you’ll never make it on your own/etc’) were wrong.

“But my particular situation makes it harder”

For instance:

Disabled women experience discrimination and oppression. This may make you feel you should be ‘grateful’ if someone forms an intimate relationship with you,, particularly is they are able-bodied. You may fear that other people will not believe you or will tell you to be more ‘understanding’ of the pressures he is under. If your home is specially adapted you may want to stay, but will you be safe? If your abuser is your carer, how will you cope without him? Is institutionalisation the only option? How can you find a solicitor whose office is accessible? How can you leave without an income?

Black, minority ethnic, migrant and refugee women also face particular problems as do lesbians, older women and young women. Although you circumstances may mean that there are additional obstacles for you to face, it is still possible for you to take action. There are things you can do and people who can help.

Many women find that domestic violence seriously damages their confidence. You may feel that you are not worth the effort or that you must have done something bad to cause the abuse. Although it can be hard, remember you are strong ( you’ve survived so far!) and you are a person of value.

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